i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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