Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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