Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
two words: eviction party
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize