I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize