It's Friday. Sex?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
