I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
