Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
