he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
