Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
