i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
