So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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