Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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