Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
