I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
