i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
