Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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