I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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