i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize