Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
