do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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