I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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