I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
