Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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