I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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