you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How naked do you want me to be?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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