this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
