There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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