We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
