my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize