im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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