'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
