your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
