I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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