Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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