I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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