All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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