Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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