Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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