The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
