I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the gays at disneyland are vicious
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
