I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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