Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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