is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
