im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
