I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
