I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
