so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
