we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
