Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
