She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
