What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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