It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize