so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
