went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
