Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
