You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
