he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
