giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
