Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
