By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
