You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The struggles of a small town man whore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize